Working on myself Led me to a Better Life

 

It was my freshman year of high school. I was young and just starting to find out what the whole high school thing was all about. I did not know my way around the big school or even more so the people around me. I was like a lost puppy in a big city, everything was new to me: the environment, the people, and even the classes. It took me a while to get used to it. I had to make new friends because most of my old ones were not in my classes. In a way, high school changed who I was: I lost friends, I gained new ones, I had new classes, I took on new journeys, I fell in love, and I got my heart broken.

It all started with that smile; there is just something about the way he smiles that catches everyone's attention. He seemed perfect, like someone from a dream. He was the starting quarterback, shortstop on the baseball team, and the point guard of the basketball team. He was tall, dark-haired, and overall my perfect person. He was my dream guy.

We started dating in December of my freshman year. Everything was always so good; sometimes, so good it seemed too good to be true. He was all I ever wanted in a guy. If I were to make a list of qualities that I wanted my husband to have, he would have scored a one hundred. He loved me, along with every flaw I possessed. He showed me what it was like to live with such a strong love for someone that when I even thought about it, I could not help but smile.

Along with that, I loved everything about him. Every 'flaw' he saw in himself was, to me, another reason to love him even more deeply. I loved that piece of hair that would stick straight up in the back of his head. I loved the way he would smile so big when he talked about something he had a passion for, and the way his face became red when he got nervous. I loved when he had to wear his glasses even when he hated it. Most of all, I loved the way he loved me. He always knew just what to say or do to make me feel special. He was my other half, my missing puzzle piece. We loved many of the same things like the peace of waking up early to see the sunrise, the smell of hot coffee, and the relaxation of a Sunday at home watching football. He always encouraged me to chase my dreams. He was so down to earth, a man of his word, much different from any boy in our school.

Saying all of that, it just was not the right time. As I said, I was young. I was not ready to take on a full time, committed relationship. I did not know who I was or even whom I wanted to be. He came at a very insubstantial time in my life. When he came, he filled my life with love and happiness, so much happiness that it almost became a need; but, still, deep down I was still broken and hurting. I guess that is why our relationship seemed so surreal at times and after a while, it got old to me. I was not the happy and outgoing person he believed I was. I was ill, tired, angry, exhausted, and was afraid to say that I was running away from who I truly was and what I wanted to be. I hated myself for letting it get to that point.

During all of that, he continued to love me. He was there for every little need I had although he was going through some of the biggest changes in his own life as well. Never once did he complain, but eventually I seen that he was burned out, he was exhausted, he was restless, and he no longer had that fire that used to be. I was too soaked up in myself to realize that he needed love and support as well. I did not give him the love and support that he silently longed for; he deserved someone better.

Trying to do life without him brought me deep pain; pain that, in the end, taught me some of my greatest life lessons. This pain set me on avenues to self-complacency. It taught me that sometimes what is right is not always going to be easy, it taught me to keep learning, to get right back up when you fall, to chase my dreams, and it overall forced me to open my eyes and see that what I wanted in this life was going to take hard work. I had to force myself to learn how to create my happiness; that was a challenge in itself.

A new-found self-confidence now fills my life. I now find myself in a place of satisfaction: knowing that where I am right now is where I should be. I am now more me than I have ever been; the girl who hid beneath a callused heart of hate and jealousy. It was a long journey, eight months to be exact, but with ambition and drive to be able to experience life immensely, I overcame it. He was the all-around the right person just at the wrong time.

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