Grief is something that we all experience at some stage of our lives, therefore we do not get much opportunity to learn how to deal with it. Everybody reacts differently to the loss of someone close. I don’t think anyone ever thinks about tragedy until they are actually faced with devastating news. A harrowing experience for me, was with my 35 year old sister that had such a impact on my life, who was a registered nurse. She had became very sickly and started undergoing treatments on dialysis due to kidney failure. I remember talking to my sister on April 10,2018 full of excitement about taking my hesi exam on April 11,2018 so I could start nursing school like we planned, I didn’t know that it would be the last day I would ever speak to my sister again. I never thought about losing someone that I adore. Death was something beyond my understanding until April 11,2018.
As a child the medical field was always something to be apart of in my family. When I was just 10 years old I knew I wanted to become a nurse. When I asked my mom to go to work with her to see exactly what she does, I was so appalled by the care and love she provided for her patients. I always had a passion for caring for others I knew I wanted to be apart of the nursing community. It inspired me to become a nurse. I realized after spending two years a university and being told that it was a 2 year waiting list for the nursing program and my grades had to be a 83% or better in each subject, I wanted to take a different route. My sister encouraged to start off as an LPN,then RN so that I could work towards of becoming a CRNA. She always told me this was the route she wish she would have took because it’s financially cheaper and that it’s actually a lot more hands on. When my sister began to get very sick I helped my mom take care of her 24/7 it was like a full time job for me. Sitting at her bedside looking at her gazing brown eyes my sister made me promise her that I would keep going to prepurse my dreams if something was to ever happen to her. I knew at that very moment I had to make my sister proud and follow my dreams of becoming a nurse not only for her but for me.
On April 11,2018 it was a bright sunny morning around 11:00 am, I was scheduled at Hondros to take my first Hesi exam. I was very nervous but excited at the same time. In the car I prayed and prayed that I would do good on my exam considering the fact that I talked to my sister the night before and we prayed together. After the exam was completed I was anxious to find out my results and the only way that I would want to see my results if my sister was there to open them with me. When I glanced at my phone to see what time it was I seen missed calls from my dad and messages from my mom that I need to be on my way to Sinai Grace hospital and that my sister had to have emergency surgery on her heart. I told my admission advisor that I had a family emergency and I would like to take my results with me. On my way to the hospital I had many things running through my head I knew in my heart my sister was going to be okay.
When I arrived to Sinai Grace hospital, I immediately parked my vehicle. I grabbed my hesi exam results anticipating opening my results by my sister bedside after her surgery. As I walked into the hospital I found my mom,sisters,grandma and father sitting in the waiting room. My father hugged me and said “ your sister is a fighter she got this .” We waited patiently in the chapel for the doctors to complete the surgery. All my family sitting around the chapel gazing into the eyes of the angels on the wall. Me and my sisters were silently praying for recovery for my sister. Shortly after praying for 2 hours the doctors walked into the chapel. They had a distressed look on their face, and I knew in my heart and soul that something was terribly wrong. The doctors said“I’m so sorry we did everything we could do and she did not make it.” My heart fluttered with pain and my knees began to tremble. I fell on my knees and began to ask the lord “ How can you take such an extraordinary person out of my life.” From that day forward I questioned my faith and asked god why did this happen to me.
As days passed by I slowly sank into a deep depression and anticipating on committing suicide. Laying on my bed staring at a crubbled envelope sticking out of my jacket with my hesi results inside. I quickly realized that this is not what my sister would want for me. The day I decided to open my results was when I did my sisters hair and painted her finger nails for her funeral. I was happy I could get some alone time with her and talk to her and say my final goodbyes. When I opened my results I was in disbelief. I had failed my hesi exam by 2 points. Looking at my sister I know that she wouldn’t want me to quit or be discouraged. 3 weeks after my sister funeral I planned to take my exam again. Once I sat in the hesi room for the second time i felt my sister spirit with me. I knew this time I was going to pass my hesi. After I received my results and I passed my exam, I knew at this very moment I will continue my path as being a nurse.
After my sister death it left an empty hole in my stomach. It felt like someone ripped a whole out of my chest. My sister deserved a better life than the one handed to her, but I do know everything that God does happens for a reason. Losing a older sibling is something I could never get over. It is amazing how many things we take for granted can vanish in a blink of an eye, everything you once had can be taken away from you. Cherish every moment you have with a loved one because tomorrow is not promised. As a nurse my duty is to be the best nurse that I will be just like my sister. My goal is to be the comfort for many of patients that will undergo the same experiences that I have endured.
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