My Hard Life with Fear

Heavenly Father, thank you for allowing us this time to fellowship and to get into your Word Lord. Please calm my nerves and use me as a vessel to speak your truths tonight. If theres anyone here tonight that doesn’t know you father I pray that tonight will be the night they surrender their lives to you. And for those that do know you Lord, I pray we will grow in a closer and more intimate relationship with you. Thank you for humbling Yourself and becoming an innocent baby. To one day grow up and take on the weight of all our sins. To be able to give us the gift of salvation free of charge. That one day we will be able to spend eternity with you. Thank you Jesus. I pray this all in you wonderful name, Amen.

So, for those of you who don’t know me. My name is Lauren Turner. My parents are Kellien and Ellis Goins, my sister is Jasmine and my wonderful husband is Dylan. I’ve been coming to Calvary Chapel San Antonio since I was 10 years old, so about 15 years now. I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior when I was 13 right here in the sanctuary listening to Pastor Ron teaching.

So here’s a little back story.. about four weeks ago my dad calls while as work and said“ hey, Do you have time to talk?”

I said, “yeah, what’s up?”

He said, “Well Pastor Ron and I have been emailing back and forth and his last email to me said, “Oh! One more thing…I want Lauren to speak at the Christmas Eve service.”

Naturally my first responses was “WHATT??”

Followed by..“No way, I can’t do that!”

My dad being the supportive parent that he is said “of course you can! He wants to meet with you on Sunday.”

Fast forward and its Sunday. My family and I go up to say hi to Papa Ron and he looks at me with this grin on his face and says “I need to talk to you!”

And I said, “I know…” knowing what was coming.

He gave me a hug and then grabbed me by my shoulders and with his sweet Winnie the Pooh voice said, ” I want you to speak at Christmas Eve. I feel like the Lord is working on FEAR with you.”

So there was no way I could ever say no to Papa Ron and more importantly to Jesus so i accepted.

Those of you who do know me know that I am a very anxious person. I’ve been suffering from chronic anxiety since I was about 6 years old which has only gotten worse as I’ve gotten older. If you’ve never experienced anxiety before its like running a marathon both physically and mentally. You’re mind is thinking about every possible thing that can go wrong. You have clammy hands, an upset stomach, nausea and occasionally you’ll experience panic attacks. Now my anxiety stems from fear. Fear of crowds, fear of failure, fear of planes and traveling, fear of change, fear of the unknown, and fear of public speaking.… among other things.

So, What is fear? Scripture has a lot to say about fear and not all fear is the same. There are two main ways that scripture talks about fear. First, there is the fear of God; and there is fear of everything else.

The fear of God is a good and holy fear. I know as a baby christian I didn’t full understand when I read scripture like Proverbs 12:23 “The fear of the Lord leads to life; who ever has it rests satisfied” or “Praise the LORD! How joyful are those who fear the LORD and delight in obeying his commands.” (Psalm 112:1). The spirit of fear that comes from the world is something that never has to be taught to us. However, we learn to attach things that scare us or worry us to the word fear. So, when we read scripture that speaks of fearing God we associate it with that fear that the world gives to us. But the fear of God is a good fear! It stands up to all our other fears. It brings wisdom, joy, rest, and life.

To have this kind of fear is to be like the disciples who scared for their lives in the midst of a terrible storm. They stood amazed after seeing how Jesus calmed the storm with just his words. Mark 4:41 says “And they were filled with great fear and said to one another, ‘Who then is this, that even the wind and the sea obey him?”

This kind of fear is to be so thankful that we can call ourselves children of God and can approach the throne of grace without any shame or guilt. It is to see the great wonders of the gospel that a holy and righteous God would become an innocent little baby and enter into this sinful world to one day die to rescue us. Its to be completely in awe at how much Jesus loves us that we may receive the gift of salvation free of charge.

The second type of fear (the fear of everything else) comes from our wanting to control everything around us. Fear of losing things that matter the most to us like our family, relationships, our job, or even our lives. This kind of fear tells God that He isn’t big enough to handle the difficulties in our lives. It says to Him, “I don’t need You, Jesus, I got this.” We want to try and control every aspect of our lives hoping that things will turn out the way we want them to. The bible implores us to abandon this kind of fear and put all our trust in the Lord. Joshua 1:9 says “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”

I’m definitely guilty of this kind of fear. I’m a planner. I need to have every detail of my life planned out. This is in large part because of my anxiety and my need to control everyone…or at least try anyways. The less I plan or know about a coming event the more anxious I become. So, instead of me trusting in God to help and strengthen me I’ve relied on myself and let me tell you it’s never works out the way I tend it to.

For a long time I dealt with so much shame and uncertainty because of my anxiety. Ashamed to tell people of what I was going through because I was afraid to be vulnerable or being judged. I would show up every Sunday with a smile on my face even though inside I was struggling. The day I couldn't sit in the this sanctuary anymore because of my anxiety I knew I wasn’t okay. I had be relying on my own strength to make it day by day. I just didn’t understand why I had to deal with this. I know that Jesus loves me and has the power to heal me. So why hasn’t He healed me? Do I not really believe He can? Am I really saved?

The enemy uses our fears to keep us from fulfilling our true purpose in life that the Lord set for each and everyone of us. God wants to take our weakness and allow them to become a strength for the Kingdom of God. Ephesians 2:10 says “For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.”

Recently, I went on a mission trip with some of the women here to Reynosa, Mexico. I only found out about the trip a week before we were supposed to leave. I felt such a strong tug on my heart to go but I wasn’t sure if I would be able to due to my work schedule. Sure enough the Lord provided a way for me to take off on such short notice.

That morning the plan was for all the women to meet here at 6am. As we were approaching the church I could already feel myself getting anxious, my stomach knotting up, and my heart beginning to race. When we arrived I told my mom, “I don’t think I can go”. My mom did her best to reassure me that everything was going to be okay and to just give it to Jesus.

About 30 mins into the drive I could feel myself starting to panic. I lead forward in my seat so none of the other women in the car could see me crying. I didn’t understand why this was happening to me now. I mean I was going on a mission trip that I knew God wanted me to be on. So why was I going through this? I cried out to the Lord silently in my seat praying He would take this from me.

We stopped at a gas station an hour into our trip and that’s when the women I was driving with noticed I had been crying. I love how the Lord knows what we need and when we need it. I began to open up to them about what I was struggle with and how I just wanted peace. Misty Pena asked if she could pray over me. Her, my mom, and I joined hands and she prayed for the Lords will to be done and for the strength I needed to make it through the trip. I felt a weight lifted from my shoulders and a sense of peace come over me. The prayer of a faithful sister in Christ reminded me that we aren’t to fight the good fight alone. That’s why we are called lean on each other in trying times and encourage one another.

Had I succumb to my fears I would have never heard the Lords answers on some matters I had been praying on. I would have never felt the out pouring of His love through all the women I got to know. And I would have never made memories like the ones at made there. I realized that courage to over come our anxieties and fears will never come from our strength but confidence in our God’s powerful promises to us.

I would like to end with this quote I found while preparing what I was going to say tonight. It really sums up how we should all approach fear.

“I don’t want fears like that — fears that grip, paralyze, and control me. I want a fear that turns and runs to God, finding shelter in him. I want a fear that trusts him in the midst of storms, and stands in awe of his amazing grace. I want a fear that lets go of everything in my grip and trusts him to be everything I need. I want a right fear, the kind that chases away all other fears. I want the fear of God.”

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