Interpersonal Communication Managing Conflict

The conflict that I am having is that my boss and I have issues with each other and we do not see eye to eye. On top of that, he is very demeaning and blunt, and rude. This paper will help show the problem-solving skills that I have tried and approach the situation so that the situation can be handled better when things occur and the problem can be solved without anger on both sides. Alongside that, I will be comparing examples of when things went wrong because improper conflict resolutions were involved and when they were used in the correct way and see the change between similar situations.

Managing Conflict through being Mindful:

The approach of being mindful in conflict management may seem silly and simple but for me seems to be very effective in maintaining a cool head and a great way to reflect. One big issue is knowing when you are making a “fundamental attribution error” which states,” Error that arises from attributing another person’s behavior to internal, controllable cases rather than to external uncontrollable cases.” (Beebe, p. 75). Or in other words when you have internal issues that may reflect past experience that makes you decide how to act during that situation. Because of this problem I have chosen 3 strategies that have helped me better work through this problem.

Our first step is “Becoming other Oriented” (Beebe, p. 79). Because of the experiences this person has had, we can see that there are issues that they could have from their past that can determine the way they act just like how you have the fundamental attribution error because you likewise have something in your past that reflects your outcome. By being aware of this person past and getting to know them more, not only will you be closed to the person themselves but you will also know what things bother them as you become more associated with them and what things to avoid or help the situation. There are also steps within being other-oriented that may help with being bettered-oriented. It says…

•  Show Consideration. Demonstrate Respect, For Example, and Ask If It’s All Right To Dump Your Troubles On Someone Before Doing So, Or Ask If Your Phone Call Comes At A Good Time.
•  Acknowledge The Other Person’s Feelings As Legitimate: Expressions Such As “You’re Right” Or “I Can Understand Why You’re So Angry” Help Focus The Interaction On The Other Person And Confirm That You’re Listening.
•  Acknowledge The Other Person. Recognize The Importance Of The Other Person. Ask For Suggestions, Opinions, And Clarification. This Will Ensure That You Understand What The Other Person Is Saying From That Person’s Point Of View.
•  Focus Your Messages On The Other Person. Use Open-Ended Questions To Involve The Other Person In The Interaction (As Opposed To Questions That Merely Ask For A Yes Or No Answer), And Make Statements That Directly Address The Person. Use Focused Eye Contact And Appropriate Facial Expressions; Smile, Nod, And Lean Toward The Other Person.
•  Grant Permission. Let The Other Person Know That It’s O.K. To Express (Or To Not Express) Her Or His Feelings. A Simple Statement Such As “I Know How Difficult It Is To Talk About Feelings” Opens Up The Topic Of Feelings And Gives The Other Person Permission Either To Pursue Such A Discussion Or To Say Nothing. The Communication Blog

This leads to the next strategy, which is “Let go of the Past” (Beebe, p. 47). This would be defined as things between you and the other person that just reflects the problems only you and the other person have. Things like the demeaning manner that they talk down to you because of superiority in the workplace. Or they don’t like your tone of voice and how blunt they are. There are many things that can go with this, because the first strategy goes with this because without the first one it makes this step harder. If you are able to understand where they come from you are more likely to have sympathy and let go of what they have done. Also having a good talk with them about these feelings and confrontation with them will help you both understand why they do the things they do. There are also five steps to help make sure you can do that. They are, Make the decision to let it go. Express your pain — and your responsibility. Stop being the victim and blaming others. Focus on the present — the here and now — and joy. Forgive them — and yourself. 'Learning to Let Go of Past Hurts: 5 Ways to Move On.'

The third and final Strategy is to “Develop Motivation: Strategies to Accept Others” (Beebe p. 105). This just like the second and first one is important, you are never going to find someone who is perfect and you will like everything about him or her. It’s just how we are made. However, we can learn skills that may help us to accept the things we don’t like if we realize that we ourselves have quirks that others don’t like. Once again there are steps within these as well, they are.

1. Watch your thoughts. Think about what you’re thinking about. I often think things about other people, judging them, without even realizing it. I’m going to work on paying more attention to my thoughts and do my best to push them in a non-judgmental, more accepting direction.
2.  Look for the positive. Not accepting others is a result of seeing the negative in them. Instead of focusing on why someone is different, I’m going to focus on what’s good about that person and his/her choices and actions. My way is not always the best one.
3. Avoid right/wrong dichotomies. It’s very tempting to see the world in black and white with a right and wrong way to do things, but that’s just not how it is. Things don’t have to be right or wrong if I choose to accept them as they are. I’m going to stop labeling my way as “right.”
4. Stop judging yourself. Our judgments of others are often a result of our personal criticisms. If I stop putting pressure on myself to do things the “right” way, I’ll also stop putting pressure on others as well. Not judging others or myself is a crucial step to acceptance.
5.  Focus on the now. A lack of acceptance can generate from comparing things to the past. I’m not going to think about what happened before and try to live accordingly; I’m going to think about it now. Comparing things to the past always hinders an acceptance of what is.
6. Reverse the situation. I ask myself: What if someone were judging me and not accepting me? How would I feel? I’ll keep these questions in mind the next time I’m not accepting others. I will imagine someone constantly telling me to slow down (and how annoying that would be!). Accept Yourself And Others Just As They Are With These 6 Strategies

Conflict:

My boss and I who have worked together for over 5 years now never seem to be able to figure out how to get problems fixed and our communication is off because we butt heads too much. He is easily the hardest boss I have had and have never met a man so hardheaded and prideful than him. It is hard because everything I do or say he seems to not understand why or doesn’t listen to what I am saying because he has a better idea. Because of the situation, I do not have it to get to the point where I will lose my job.

Overall though throughout this process I have come to learn from asking questions about his family and past, that his dad was very similar in that way, he always wanted to fix things on his own and didn’t accept help, with that he was always wanting acknowledgment of fixing things. So he had taken that same thing his dad did and lived the same way. His wife who also works with us was able to tell me how he feels great when he comes into work and feels like he did something that everyone is grateful for because we can all finish our work. It makes him feel more accomplished that day and happier. The way I learned these things was because I was able to become oriented with his background, let go of the past and find a different approach to the situation, and develop strategies to accept him because I know that some of the things that my wife notices are from the way I was raised and they are things that she doesn’t agree with. 

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