In many ways, people are ‘good’. In many ways, people are ‘bad’. It was up to me to decide. When life changes at such a young age you develop a sense of self-awareness. Being able to perceive people in a face to face value is a skill you might not necessarily wish for.
Being ten years old and having the idea of a ‘stable person’ to come home to is an ideal home life. When I was ten my life had seemed to come to a halt and started over. Having that loss of a stable home, hopes, and expectations changed me. It would change anyone.
Maybe this is less about my consequences and more about others consequences. Having that loss of a fatherly figure changed my expectations and look on reality. I learned that maybe you can’t depend on some people. Maybe that fatherly figure might turn out to be something ‘bad’.
Minecraft, zebra prints, and best friends. Those were my hopes. Maybe they were small, but they were appropriate for my age. Having my room decorated as iCarly had hers and having a huge collection of Barbie dolls, that was life for me. Whether or not life was crashing down around me, I wouldn’t have noticed because my perspective is not where it is now.
Jumping off the bus to seeing moving furniture, boxes, and an empty home. An empty home that once was filled with memories and hopes all shattered and packed up in a box. Not knowing where my new life was going to lead me, I prayed for the best and expected the worst. With life seeming to let me down I depended on myself knowing that it would be hard to trust and depend again.
Fatherly figures are supposed to love and support you they shouldn’t do this on a time limit. There shouldn’t be a limit of how much you should love your children. Confronting said person was the turning point in my life 2 years later. When said fatherly figure told me that he didn’t know why he left me, I knew that maybe you can’t make someone love you, maybe you can’t even make them appreciate and respect you. But knowing that something wasn’t your fault will change your whole perspective on life and how you can be a better person.
The isolation hit me later, first, it was family disappearing then it was friends soon I was just lonely; but I liked it that way. Sometimes I longed for people to just love me and for others I wanted people to leave me alone. Although some years later, anxiety still lives within me, and I know that I have friends and family who support me and this I know for sure.
Having people and knowing they support you will benefit your life for the greater good. Even if other’s decisions and consequences might bring you down, there is always a better choice or decision to lead you on the right path.
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