Call me Fairly Old Fashioned

Picture this, a guy approaches you while you’re at a caf©. He courts you then invites you on a date to see a movie with him Friday. Even as complete strangers, you give him your landline number. That Friday, he picks you up, meets your parents and follows you out to his car and opens the door for you. Now imagine this, you’re on Tinder swiping left and right to find the “perfect match.” When finding someone half decent, you trade snapchats and continue a consistent exchange for two weeks to get to know one another. You and the stranger meet up to hang out and he leaves a good impression so hopefully it continues. You receive some snapchats but then find he’s “ghosted” you so it’s onto the next, awaiting match.

Both very divergent dating examples, the leading distinction is time. One old-fashioned and the other modern. While there are benefits to both, traditional views and tactics toward dating are considered outdated. It’s time for young adults to bring back those former approaches and intertwine both current and earlier dating trends to save the ethics of romance. It’s somewhere in between, we can even call it semi old-fashioned. The claim’s reasoning is primarily due to the aspects of social media, the culture era characteristics, and the prominent expectations surrounded by the two differing methods.

Welcome to the generation of distance. A new age where social media, including dating sites, are an undeniable reality with a multifaced nature. The most notable advantage is convenience. Time commitment decreases, the ability to outstretch from one’s typical crowd increases, and you can date someone without even meeting them. There are also many ways it’s misused and misinterpreted. Outward appearance opposed to the aspects of personality seem to be the main focus of today’s world. On dating sites, like Tinder, looks are the number one factor for matches but what users don’t realize is 50% of profiles are dishonest. Psychologist, Ryan Anderson, states that couples who meet online are 28% more likely to end within the first year and are three times more likely to result in divorce.

Dating apps are large sources causing the masses to disregard the same level of importance for personal connections that were crucial back in the day. Before their existence, guys put in effort instead of sending pick-up lines through the chat. Women respected themselves instead of attempting to catch the next man’s attention. Time was more meaningful. Relationships were more passionate. With underdeveloped interpersonal skills, many are hiding behind a screen. Admittedly, I’ve done my share of “swiping”, but it resulted with many uncomfortable slides into my direct messages. While I don’t bash the entirety of the concept, it’s important to put down our smartphones and develop relationships outside of the online world. Truly, these dating apps suffocate the real essence of love for complacency.

As a large influence in present-day dating, social media encourages a culture that has become largely acceptable the last decade. Hook-ups are a large promotion of these sites. With consent, it’s justified to have sex with a stranger on the first date. In Jewish culture, marriages are somewhat arranged. Parents set up dates based on a similarity of standards. Physical intimacy isn’t expected until marriage to avoid getting ahead of the intended merits of the relationship: to love and take care of one another. Judgement isn’t based firstly on looks but of qualifications, how they’re raised and the families they’re from. In result, majority of the marriages have proven highly successful.

In today’s contemporary culture, high schoolers expect there to be a physical component just because they attended a high school dance together. Sex is now considered the world’s new “first kiss.” In older times, physical intimacy was only a factor after marriage or at least after a consistent dating status. Bringing back those standards and views protects both people from heartbreak and unnecessary emotions before getting to know or committing to the partner. In older times, men were expected to keep the relationship alive and women were typically along for the ride. There should be a balance. A positive outcome of the new culture is women are now expected to be bold with their actions instead of timidly waiting for things to fall into place. I’m a large advocate for this newly embraced power but within boundaries. Men shouldn’t have to pay for everything and deserved to be appreciated but should be expected to keep chivalry alive and respect women in the way they would their own mother.

To use one word to describe modern dating, it would be confusing. Among the list of unspoken rules, there’s a game to the system. Instead of dates, it’s a hang out. Double texts are risky as is returning a text too quickly, heaven forbid if they think you’re actually interested in them. The players must avoid trying too hard, or even trying at. Any labels are avoided at all costs. It’s called “a thing” which insists there is a platonic relationship without boundaries. Having relationship expectations is like returning home from college to house rules enforced by your parents. You’ve been one your own for a while now so you should be able to do what you want. Right? Masking the labels causes confusion and dismisses accountability for both people. With zero responsibility, zero expectations, this impression is a consistent theme in current dating tendencies. It’s easy to say, “We aren’t officially dating” so getting around with two or five other people is acceptable. It seems there are too many cheaters and too many ways to cheat. Dating standards are completely unpredictable. Years ago, this behavior never would’ve been condoned. There was respect for other people’s relationships, dates were dates, and what was said had genuine meaning and sincerity.

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