A Story about Myself, my Faith and Life

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If you were to ask me why I believe in God, I would simply say that he saved me from myself. He showed me real love and worth, but I had to go through some things to get there first. I wish I could say that I could say that I have never strayed or walked away from faith, but then it wouldn’t be my testimony. Honestly, I don’t really believe my testimony started until last year. I live in a Christian household and I was raised in church. As a child I knew about God and Christianity, but didn’t quite understand fully. My childhood was a fairly normal one, but I was bullied quite a bit for my sensitivity. I was often lied to, stabbed in the back, pitied, and bullied by kids in my neighborhood and sometimes my brother. I said the sinner’s prayer around age nine, and was baptised around the age of eleven.

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My friends in my hometown were the only ones keeping me sane at the time and then we had to move. When I first started in Tennessee I had no friends. I felt completely and utterly alone, unloved, and frankly worthless. It only escalated from there. By the time I had reached 7th grade, I was at the point of thinking that the world would be a better place if I wasn’t in it. I know see that I had fallen into depression. I would hide everything behind a mask and cry myself to sleep at night. I was overwhelmed by having people around me, who influenced me. I had a suicidal friend, a bully at school, and a brother, who often called me names such as useless and fat. I could never seem to make my parents proud and my dad was often gone. I didn’t know what to do. I thought about ending it, but I could never follow through.

As 7th grade ended, I was still slightly depressed, but I told myself that I would be more than just another suicide statistic on the scale. I told myself that I was a fighter. I still had lots of doubt about God. I figured that if he cared, he would talk to me. My disbelief led to being more easily tempted by Satan. I got into some things I shouldn’t have and tried to fill a void that only God could fill. 8th grade came and I just felt defeated and broken, yet I still had a mask of fake happiness on. When clubs started, I chose worship arts and the first day Mrs. Rains had us sit in silence and listen for God’s voice. We sat and I just listened. Then a verse had popped into my head. The verse was Ecclesiastes 3:17 “I said to myself, ‘God will bring into judgment both the righteous and the wicked, for there will be a time for every activity, a time to judge every deed.’. I wasn’t sure if it was an actual verse, so when she asked if anything came to us, I said nothing. Later I looked up the verse and was just awestruck. I didn’t know what the verse meant, but God had finally said something. This made me really reevaluate my faith and I asked God’s forgiveness.

Later in the year someone had told me that they wished I would die. That night I was broken all over again and cried, but while I was crying I was also at a point where I was so broken that all of my walls were down and I heard God again. He showed me Ecclesiastes 7:17 “Do not be overwicked, and do not be a fool– why die before your time?”. That hit me hard. I really had felt an overwhelming sense of love, acceptance, and self worth for the first time in a very long time. Over time after that I really started to work on myself. I still have a very low self esteem, but God is still working on me. One song that God has really reminded me of is called Blessings by Laura Story. Every once and a while, God will just fill me with an overwhelming feeling of his love to remind me that I am not worthless, I am priceless in His eyes. Whenever I feel that love I start crying on the spot because I had felt worthless for so long, that whenever someone tells me that I am not worthless or when my dad says that he is proud of me I can’t help it. God has truly saved me from myself, and if he hadn’t said something when he did, I might not be here today. God has healed my depression. I am still broken, but aren’t we all? We are all just one group of broken people made whole by God. That is my testimony.

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A Story About Myself, My Faith and Life. (2022, Sep 01). Retrieved October 4, 2022 , from
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